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Childhood Wounds: Can Someone's Adult Life Be A Manifestation Of Repressed Childhood Pain?

 By Oliver JR Cooper  |   Submitted On February 16, 2021

  

If someone is an adult, it could be said that what took place when they were a child will be over. As a result of this, the pain that they experienced during this stage of their life will be firmly in the past.

What could add weight to this view is that if they were to think about this stage of their life, they might not come into contact with any emotional pain. This alone could be seen as proof that what has been said above is correct.

Another Piece

And, if any more evidence was needed, they could say that their childhood wasn't that bad or that they had a very good childhood. There is then going to be no reason for them to carry any pain from that stage of their life.

But, if they were to say that this stage of their life was far from perfect, they could say that it's over now anyway. Regardless of how one sees their past, then, it will be well and truly in the past.

Separate Issues

When it comes to the challenges that they have in their adult life, there are not going to be seen as having anything to do with what they experienced as a child. Some of these challenges could just be put down to bad luck, while others could just be seen as being part of life.

For example, they could live in a society that generally believes that luck is what defines whether or not someone will end up in a fulfilling relationship. So, if they have troubled relationships, it could just be put down to bad luck.

All in the Same Boat

What could strengthen this belief is that one could be surrounded by people who are also in the same position. Therefore, what is taking place in this area of their life will have very little to do with them and a lot to do with how life is.

Through seeing life in this way, it is not going to be a surprise if one often sees themselves as a victim. It could go even further, though, as one could have what is often described as a 'victim mentality'.

A natural outcome

However, if certain areas of their life are seen as largely being out of their control and in the control of someone or something 'out there', how else would they be? It is to be expected that they would come to this conclusion.

The only way that certain area of their life will change is if something 'out there' changes. Until that time, they will just have to put up with what is going on, meaning that they are unlikely to live a life that is worth living.

Repeating The Past

Now, although it can seem as though one is just a victim and has no control over their life, what is this is not the truth? What if their experiences are largely an effect of how they feel at a deeper level?

This would mean that one is not being victimised by what is going on 'out there', they are being victimised by what is going on within them. The cause is how they feel and the effect is what happens, as opposed to the situations and circumstances 'out there' defining how they feel.

Trapped

Without this understanding in place, they will end up being caught up in how they feel when something happens. Through being consumed by these feelings, they will unknowingly create more of the same.

Unless they are able to step back and to no longer do the same thing, their life is unlikely to change. In fact, it is likely to get even worse as time passes, causing them to suffer even more.

Getting To the Root

For their life to change, they will need to detach from what is going on and to get in touch with their deeper feelings. Ultimately, these deeper feelings, feelings that will go back to their early years, will need to be faced, acknowledged and processed.

This is not something that will take place overnight as there are likely to be many, many layers of pain inside them. Through not having certain needs met during this time, they would have experienced pain, and this pain will be frozen in their body.

Disconnected

The reason why they won't have been able to see the connection between how they felt as a child and how they feel as an adult will be due to the defences that their mind had put in place. These defences, defences that would have been put in place to protect them, would have also caused them to forget about what happened.

But, while their conscious mind had no recollection of these feelings, these feelings would have continued to define their life. In other words, this inner material would have stayed in their unconscious mind and co-created their reality.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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With the presence of someone like this, one will be able to grieve their unmet childhood needs. These unmet childhood needs would have created a number of false adult needs, needs that will start to fall away as the original pain is worked through.

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -
https://www.facebook.com/OliverJRCooper

Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Oliver_JR_Cooper/818466

Irrational Beliefs: Why Would Someone Have 'Irrational Beliefs'?

 By Oliver JR Cooper  |   Submitted On February 19, 2021

  

After living a life that is anything but fulfilling for a number of years, someone could come to the conclusion that they need to do something about it. Perhaps something that they have seen on TV or read online has played a part in this.

For quite some time, they might have got a sense that something needs to be done, and, after coming across something, it allowed them to take the first step. Now, if they were to think about what it is that they need to change, at least one area of their life could come to mind.

The Main One

They could think about how their view of themselves is not very helpful or empowering, with this being something that is holding them back. If they were to reflect on how long they have seen themselves in a negative light, they might see that they have more or less always seen themselves in this way.

Through reaching out, then, they might come to conclude that they need to look into what it is that they believe. The reason for this is that they may have been told that it is their irrational beliefs that are the problem.

Getting Clear

After this, one could end up making a list of what their irrational beliefs are. If this was to take place, they could find that they have some, if not all, of the following:

• They believe that they are worthless
• They believe that they are not enough
• They believe that they are unworthy
• They believe that they are nothing
• They believe that they are defective
• They believe that they are unlovable

Drawing the Line

Each of these beliefs will have no basis in reality, which is why they will be seen as 'irrational'. With this in mind, the next stage will be for them to remove these beliefs and to replace them with rational beliefs.

There is the chance that one has also learned that their beliefs will be playing a part in the thoughts that they have. Therefore, not only will changing these beliefs allow them to see themselves differently, it will also allow them to experience different thoughts.

One Option

When it comes to removing these beliefs, they will have already taken the first step - this would have taken place when they become clear about what some of their irrational beliefs were. The second step will be for them to talk to themselves in a more positive way.

Through consciously changing their inner dialogue, and behaving differently, they will gradually be able to supplant these old beliefs. This, of course, won't take place overnight; it will require patience and persistence.
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The Cause

As to why they would have these irrational beliefs, it could be said that it is the result of what they have experienced as an adult and what took place during their early years. Still, what took place will be over and there will be no need for them to focus on the past.
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If they were to focus on the past, they would just be wasting their precocious time and energy. Focusing on what happened could also end up putting them in a negative state, something that is not going to serve them.

A Temporary Solution

Purely changing their beliefs may allow then to gradually change their life; then again, it might only work for a short while, or it might not work at all. If it does work, it might only work because this approach will allow them to change what is taking place at a mental level, repressing how they truly feel in the process.

This can be hard for someone to accept, especially if they have come to believe that their thoughts create their feelings. As widespread as this view is, it is nothing more than a half-truth.

Going Deeper, Way Deeper

Taking this into account, what if there was a time when these beliefs were an accurate reflection of how they were being treated? This would mean that although they are irrational now, there would have been a time when they were rational.

Along with the conclusions that their mind made, there would have been how they felt. The beliefs that they carry are going to be one part, the other part will be all of the 'negative' feelings that they carry.

Way Back

There is a strong chance that this will relate to what took place when they were very small. Thus, this would have probably been a stage of their life when their thinking brain was in an undeveloped state and they were fully in touch with their emotional self.

In other words, this stage of their life would have had a massive effect on their emotional body/self. As an adult, they, along with many of their fellow human beings, could see themselves as just having a physical body and a mental self but they will also have an emotional body/self, and this part, a part that is far stronger than their mental self, will continue to affect how they see themselves and their life.

Getting To the Root

The emotional pain that they carry from this stage of their life will need to be faced and worked through. Through grieving their unmet childhood needs, they are likely to find that their 'irrational' beliefs will start to fall away.

Another way of looking at this would be to say that one will be getting in touch with what is taking place in their unconscious mind. This will allow them to deal with their issues at the root as opposed to trying to change the effects of what is held in this part of their being.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -
https://www.facebook.com/OliverJRCooper

Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Oliver_JR_Cooper/818466

Negative Feelings: Why Would Someone Have 'Negative' Feelings?

 By Oliver JR Cooper  |   Submitted On February 21, 2021

  

Irrespective of whether someone is into self-development, they will probably be familiar with the term 'negative' feelings. In fact, they may even describe some of their own feelings in this way.

If this is the case, it will mean that some of their feelings will be seen as 'positive' and some of them will be seen as 'negative'. Through seeing them in this way, they may generally see their 'negative' feelings as a problem.

For Example

When it comes to 'negative' feelings, this will relate to: shame, guilt, sadness, fear and despair. If ever they experience one or a number of these feelings, they are going to feel bad.

On the other hand, when it comes to 'positive' feelings, this will relate to: joy, hope, optimism and happiness. If ever they experience one or more of these feelings, they are going to feel good.

Out of Balance

Now, it could be said that it is not going to be possible for one to always experience 'positive' feelings; this is just not how life works. Also, if they did always experience these kinds of feelings, they would soon get used to them, causing them to lose their effect.

In other words, it is through being able to experience both sides of the emotional spectrum that one will be able to appreciate the 'positive' side. The other part of this is that their feelings are there to provide them with valuable feedback and are, therefore, neither negative nor positive.

In A Bad Way

But, with that aside for the time being, if one experiences a lot of 'negative' feelings, it is going to be a challenge for them to appreciate the life that they have been given. As a result of this, it will be essential for them to reach out for support.

If they don't do this and just carry on as they are, their life could end up getting even worse. The first step, of course, will be for them to realise that something isn't right, as if they don't get to this point, there will be no reason for them to do anything about their life.

Numbing the Pain

Or, if they do do something to change their life, they could end up doing more harm than good. Ergo, through not being able to step back and to see that they need help, they could end up taking or drinking something, for instance.

This will allow them to feel better but what it won't do is resolve what is going on for them. Through external means, then, they will simply be denying how they really feel.

The next step

If one is able to take a step back and to reach out for support, they could end up looking online. This could be a time when they will learn that they need to change their 'negative' thoughts.

The reason for this is that their 'negative' thoughts will be seen as the reason why they have 'negative' feelings. Thus, by changing the thoughts that they have, they will be able to experience more 'positive' feelings.

Moving Forward

With this in mind, the next step will be for them to pay close attention to how they talk to themselves and to begin replacing their 'negative' thoughts with 'positive' thoughts. Naturally, this is not going to happen straight away.

The key will be for them to be both mindful and diligent, and, as time goes by, they will be rewarded for the time and effort that they put into this area of their life. As the days and weeks by, they should start to experience more 'positive' feelings.

One Part

The above approach may or may not work and, even if it does, it might not last. If it doesn't work or just doesn't last, one could believe that they need to keep going, believing that they need to be patient.

Another way of looking at this would be to say that there is a good reason why this approach won't really work and that's because their 'negative' feelings are not solely being caused by their thoughts. However, if one has come to believe that their thoughts create their feelings, something that is nothing more than a half-truth, it might be hard for them to accept this.

Going Deeper, Way Deeper

Coming back to what was said above about one's feelings providing them with valuable feedback, what needs to be looked into is why they would be having these so-called 'negative' feelings. Firstly, there is a strong chance that their thoughts are triggering feelings that are already held inside them.

Secondly, the feelings that they see as being 'negative' probably go back to a time in their life when they were being harmed or neglected. What this means is that although these feelings are seen as 'negative' now, there would have been a time when they merely reflected reality.

Connecting the Dots

The trouble is that as so many years may have passed since these experiences took place, their conscious mind will have forgotten all about what took place. The natural outcome of this is that these feelings will be perceived as being 'negative' by their conscious mind.

Whereas if they didn't have a load of defences in place and their conscious mind could remember what happened, this part of them would realise that these feelings may be 'negative' now, but there was a time when they were simply a reflection of what they were experiencing. With this understanding in place, their present emotional experience would be linked back to the original context, making complete sense in the process.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

With external support, one will be able to work through the emotional pain that has been locked in their body.

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -
https://www.facebook.com/OliverJRCooper

Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Oliver_JR_Cooper/818466