DON'T INTERRUPT OTHERS OR FINISH THEIR SENTENCES BY R CARLSON

It wasn't until a few years ago that I realized how often I Interrupted

others and/or finished their sentences. Shortly thereafter, I also

realized how destructive this habit was, not only to the respect and

love I received from others but also for the tremendous amount of energy it takes to try to be in two heads at once! 

Think about it for a moment. When you hurry someone along, interrupt someone, or finish his or her sentence, you have to keep track not only of your own thoughts but of those of the person you are interrupting as well. This tendency

(which, by the way, is extremely common in busy people), encourages both parties to speed up their speech and their thinking. This, in turn, makes both people nervous, irritable, and annoyed. It's downright

exhausting. It's also the cause of many arguments, because if there's

one thing almost everyone resents, it's someone who doesn't listen to

what they are saying.

And how can you really listen to what someone is saying when you are

speaking for that person?

Once you begin noticing yourself interrupting others, you'll see that

this insidious tendency is nothing more than an innocent habit that has

become invisible to you. This is good news because it means that all

you really have to do is to begin catching yourself when you forget.

Remind yourself (before a conversation begins, if possible) to be patient and wait. 

Tell yourself to allow the other person to finish speaking before you take your turn. You'll notice, right away, how much the interactions with the people in your life will improve as a direct result of this simple act. 

The people you communicate with will feel much more relaxed around you when they feel heard and listened to.

You'll also notice how much more relaxed you'll feet when you stop

interrupting others. Your heart and pulse rates will slow down, and

you'll begin to enjoy your conversations rather than rush through them. This is an easy way to become a more relaxed, loving person. 

REMIND YOURSELF THAT WHEN YOU DIE, YOUR "IN BASKET" WON'T BE EMPTY BY R CARLSON

So many of us live our lives as if the secret purpose is to somehow get

everything done. We stay up late, get up early, avoid having fun, and

keep our loved ones waiting. Sadly, I've seen many people who put off

their loved ones so long that the loved ones lose interest in

maintaining the relationship. I used to do this myself. 

Often, we convince ourselves that our obsession with our "to do" list is only temporary - that once we get through the list, we'll be calm, relaxed, and happy. But in reality, this rarely happens. As items are checked

off, new ones simply replace them.

The nature of your "in basket" is that it's meant to have items to be

completed in it - it's not meant to be empty. There will always be

phone calls that need to be made, projects to complete, and work to be

done. In fact, it can be argued that a full "in basket" is essential

for success. It means your time is in demand!

Regardless of who you are or what you do, however, remember that nothing is more important than your own sense of happiness and inner peace and that of your loved ones. 

If you're obsessed with getting everything done, you'll never have a sense of well being! In reality, almost

everything can wait. Very little in our work lives truly falls into the

"emergency" category. If you stay focused on your work, it will all get

done in due time.

I find that if I remind myself (frequently) that the purpose of life

isn't to get it all done but to enjoy each step along the way and live a

life filled with love, it's far easier for me to control my obsession

with completing my list of things to do. 

Remember, when you die, there

will still be unfinished business to take care of. And you know what?

Someone else will do it for you! Don't waste any more precious moments

of your life regretting the inevitable.

HOW TO DEVELOP YOUR COMPASSION BY R CARLSON

Nothing helps us build our perspective more than developing compassion

for others. 

Compassion is a sympathetic feeling. It involves the willingness to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to take the focus off yourself and to imagine what it's like to be in someone else's predicament, and simultaneously, to feel love for that person. 

It's the recognition that other people's problems, their pain and frustrations, are every bit as real as our own - often far worse. In recognizing this fact and trying to offer some assistance, we open our own hearts and greatly enhance our sense of gratitude.

Compassion is something you can develop with practice. It involves two

things: intention and action. Intention simply means you remember to

open your heart to others; you expand what and who matters, from

yourself to other people. Action is simply the "what you do about it."

You might donate a little money or time (or both) on a regular basis to

a cause near to your heart. Or perhaps you'll offer a beautiful smile

and genuine "hello" to the people you meet on the street. It's not so

important what you do, just that you do something. 

As Mother Teresa

reminds us, "We cannot do great things on this earth. We can only do

small things with great love."

Compassion develops your sense of gratitude by taking your attention off

all the little things that most of us have learned to take too seriously. 

When you take time, often, to reflect on the miracle of life

- the miracle that you are even able to read this book - the gift of

sight, of love, and all the rest, it can help to remind you that many of

the things that you think of as "big stuff" are really just "small

stuff" that you are turning into big stuff. 

HOW TO BECOME AWARE OF THE SNOWBALL EFFECT OF YOUR THINKING BY R CARLSON

A powerful technique for becoming more peaceful is to be aware of how 

quickly your negative and insecure thinking can spiral out of control. 

Have you ever noticed how uptight you feel when you're caught up in your thinking? And, to top it off, the more absorbed you get in the details 

of whatever is upsetting you, the worse you feet. 

One thought leads to another, and yet another, until at  point, you become incredibly agitated. 

For example, you might wake up in the middle of the night and remember a phone call that needs to be made the following day. 

Then, rather than feeling relieved that you remembered such an important call, you start thinking about everything else you have to do tomorrow. 

You start rehearsing a probable conversation with your boss, getting yourself even more upset. 

Pretty soon you think to yourself, "I can't believe how busy I am. I must make fifty phone calls a day. Whose life is this anyway?" and on and on it goes until you're feeling sorry for yourself. 

For many people, there's no limit to how long this type of "thought attack" can go on. In fact, I've been told by clients that many of their days and nights are spent in this type of mental rehearsal. Needless to say, it's impossible to feel peaceful with your head full of concerns and 

annoyances. 

The solution is to notice what's happening in your head before your 

thoughts have a chance to build any momentum. The sooner you catch 

yourself in the act of building your mental snowball, the easier it is 

to stop. In our example here, you might notice your snowball thinking 

right when you start running through the list of what you have to do the 

next day. 

Then, instead of obsessing on your upcoming day, you say to 

yourself, "Whew, there I go again," and consciously nip it in the bud. 

You stop your train of thought before it has a chance to get going. 

You can then focus, not on how overwhelmed you are, but on how grateful you are for remembering the phone call that needed to be made. If it's the middle of the night, write it down on a piece of paper and go back to sleep. You might even consider keeping a pen and paper by the bed for such moments.

You may indeed be a very busy person. but remember that filling your head with thoughts of how overwhelmed you are only exacerbates the problem by making you feel even more stressed than you already do. 

Try this simple little exercise the next time you begin to obsess on your

schedule. You'll be amazed at how effective it can be. 

HOW TO LET GO OF THE IDEA THAT GENTLE, RELAXED PEOPLE CAN'T BE OVERACHIEVERS BY R CARLSON

One of the major reasons so many of us remain hurried, frightened, and

competitive, and continue to live life as if it were one giant

emergency, is our fear that if we were to become more peaceful and

loving, we would suddenly stop achieving our goals. We would become lazy and apathetic.

You can put this fear to rest by realizing that the opposite is actually

true. Fearful, frantic thinking takes an enormous amount of energy and

drains the creativity and motivation from our lives. When you are

fearful or frantic, you literally immobilize yourself from your greatest potential, not to mention enjoyment. Any success that you do have is despite your fear, not because of it. 

I have had the good fortune to surround myself with some very relaxed, peaceful, and loving people. Some of these people are best-selling

authors, loving parents, counselors, computer experts, and chief

executive officers. 

All of them are fulfilled in what they do and are

very proficient at their given skills.

I have learned the important lesson: When you have what you want (inner

peace), you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires, and

concerns. It's thus easier to concentrate, focus, achieve your goals, and to give back to others. 

HOW TO MAKE PEACE WITH IMPERFECTION BY R CARLSON

 

I've yet to meet an absolute perfectionist whose life was filled with inner peace. The need for perfection and the desire for inner 

tranquility conflict with each other.

 Whenever we are attached to 

having something a certain way, better than it already is, we are, 

almost by definition, engaged in a losing battle. Rather than being 

content and grateful for what we have, we are focused on what's wrong with something and our need to fix it. When we are zeroed in on what's wrong, it implies that we are dissatisfied, discontent. 

Whether it's related to ourselves - a disorganized closet, a scratch on 

the car, an imperfect accomplishment, a few pounds we would like to lose - or someone else's "imperfections" - the way someone looks, behaves, or 

lives their life - the very act of focusing on imperfection pulls us 

away from our goal of being kind and gentle. This strategy has nothing 

to do with ceasing to do your very best but with being overly attached 

and focused on what's wrong with life. It's about realizing that while 

there's always a better way to do something, this doesn't mean that you 

can't enjoy and appreciate the way things already are. 

The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall into your habit of 

insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind 

yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of 

your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your 

need for perfection in all areas of your life, you'll begin to discover 

the perfection in life itself. 

DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF BY RICHARD CARLSON

 

Often we allow ourselves to get all worked up about things that, upon 

closer examination, aren't really that big a deal. 

We focus on little 

problems and concerns and blow them way out of proportion. 

A stranger, for example, might cut in front of us in traffic. Rather than let it 

go, and go on with our day, we convince ourselves that we are justified in our anger. 

We play out an imaginary confrontation in our mind. Many of us might even tell someone else about the incident later on rather 

than simply let it go. 

Why not instead simply allow the driver to have his accident somewhere else? 

Try to have compassion for the person and remember how painful it 

is to be in such an enormous hurry. This way, we can maintain our own 

sense of well-being and avoid taking other people's problems personally. 

There are many similar, "small stuff" examples that occur every day in 

our lives. Whether we had to wait in line, listen to unfair criticism, 

or do the lion's share of the work, it pays enormous dividends if we 

learn not to worry about little things. 

So many people spend so much of their life energy "sweating the small 

stuff" that they completely lose touch with the magic and beauty of 

life. When you commit to working toward this goal you will find that 

you will have far more energy to be kinder and gentler.

*********************

This book is from the book; Don't sweat the small stuff by Richard Carlson.