The idea of weatherproofing as it pertains to peaceful living is a
metaphor to explain one of our most neurotic, ungrateful tendencies. It
comes from a friend of mind, Dr. George Pransky.
Just as we can weatherproof a home for the winter by looking for cracks,
leaks, and imperfections, we can also weatherproof our relationships,
even our lives, by doing the very same thing. Essentially,
weatherproofing means that you are on the careful lookout for what needs
to be fixed or repaired. It's finding the cracks and flaws of life, and
either trying to fix them, or at least point them out to others. Not
only does this tendency alienate you from other people, it makes you
feel bad, too. it encourages you to think about what's wrong with
everything and everyone - what you don't like. So, rather than
appreciating our relationships and our lives, weatherproofing encourages
us to end up thinking that life isn't all it's cracked up to be. Nothing
is ever good enough the way it is.
In our relationships, weatherproofing typically plays itself like this.
You meet someone and all is well. You are attracted to his or her
appearance, personality intellect, sense of humor, or some combination
of these traits. Initially, you not only approve of your differences
with this person, you actually appreciate them. You might even be
attracted to the person, in part because of how different you are. You
have different opinions, preferences, tastes, and priorities.
After a while, however, you begin to notice little quirks about your new
partner (or friend, teacher, whoever), that you feel could be improved
upon. You bring it to their attention. You might say, "You know, you
sure have a tendency to be late." Or, "I've noticed you don't read very
much." The point is, you've begun what inevitably turns into a way of
life - looking for and thinking about what you don't like about someone,
or something that isn't quite right.
Obviously, an occasional comment, constructive criticism, or helpful
guidance isn't cause for alarm.
I have to say, however, that in the
course of working with hundreds of couples over the years, I've met very
few people who didn't feel that they were weatherproofed at times by
their partner. Occasional harmless comments have an insidious tendency
to become a way of looking at life.
When you are weatherproofing another human being, it says nothing about
them - but it does define you as someone who needs to be critical.
Whether you have a tendency to weatherproof your relationships, certain
aspects of your life, or both, what you need to do is write off
weatherproofing as a bad idea. As the habit creeps into your thinking,
catch yourself and seal your lips. The less often you weatherproof your
partner or your friends, the more you'll notice how super your life
really is.
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This is an extract from the book: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.
