The Age Criticality of Womanhood
By John Iroh | Submitted On August 24, 2011
In most parts of the world, having children is a key element in a family so much so that some people attribute success in marriage to the production of children. In recent years, many families struggle to have their own children by natural means. Thanks to technology that has given hope of having babies to families through scientific procedures such as In vitro Fertilization (IVF) treatment and surrogacy.
I had a discussion sometime ago with my childhood friend who has been married for five years and yet to have any child. My friend is approaching forty years of age and I know how desperate she and her husband desire to have their own children. She told me that she was regretting the abortion she had just one year before she met her husband. When I asked her why she did not keep the pregnancy and have the baby, she simply told me that she did not like the man enough for marriage, although the man was begging her to accept his marriage proposal.
She opened up to me and told me about her past. I was surprised to hear my friend speak so openly about her past relationships. I had believed that ladies keep their past relationships secret especially if they are married. She told me that suitors started coming to her for marriage from her first year at the university. These suitors would normally come to her parents to declare their intention. For most of these suitors, she refused to see them as marriage was not in her list for consideration. She recalled to me several of her suitors that were actually admirable in terms of looks and career profile. One of them was a young man from her village, who at the time was a lecturer at a university in the USA. The man came back from the USA to seek her acceptance of his marriage proposal. He promised that he would sponsor the rest of her education and take her to live with him in the USA, after their marriage. My friend said she was attracted to this young man for his gentleness as he was also soft-spoken. Up till today, she cannot explain the reason she refused the proposal. I could make from the tone in her voice and her cloudy eyes that she was regretting not accepting the proposal.
After university and working, she recalled to me a relationship she had which she said was the second best after her very first boyfriend in life. She recalled how the man treated her like and angel and was there for her. She told me she could fall into a very deep sleep lying on the man's chest. She narrated how they lied on bed all day watching movies and chatting and wondered how fast the day went by. I could not help but ask why she did not marry the man. 'Was it that the man did not want to marry you?' I asked. She said the man wanted to marry her and had introduced her to every member of his family. The only reason she did not accept to marry him was cultural difference between them, she explained. 'Cultural difference to me is secondary if two people are in love', I commented. My friend agreed with me but said that wasn't her thinking at the time.
Today, after many years my friend is married to a man she met only briefly before marriage and they are trying to have their own children. I hope and pray that my friend enjoys her marriage as it is possible for her mind to keep flashing back into her past relationships and remind her of the good old days.
After my lengthy discussion with my friend, I thought for many days why she is now having difficulty having her own children even though she told me of the abortion she had one year before her marriage. Could it be that the abortion damaged something inside of her? I know the hospital where she carried out the abortion. It is among the best in the city. Why then is the difficulty in having babies? This question caused me to do some reading and research on what could be a problem in having children naturally.
In my research, I observed that every woman has been graciously endowed by nature with the ability to conceive and bear children. The natural design for a female to push out the baby by series of muscular contractions is an extremely painful process called 'labour'. Because of this painful process, nature has set an age limit to the women that could withstand the pain. Therefore, we must play by the nature's rules if we must have babies naturally. Age, therefore is a critical factor.
'Childbirth labour' is a term commonly used to express the pain the pregnant women undergo prior to child delivery. This 'labour pain' is usually excruciating and the intensity varies among different women. For this reason, nature has protected the older women from undergoing through this pain by narrowing their chances of getting pregnant.
Science has shown that every woman is born with all the eggs she would release throughout her life time. Changes in the woman's body system would cause an egg to be released about once a month from the time the woman is about twelve years old. If the egg gets fertilized after being released, pregnancy results. Otherwise, the egg de-materializes and is discharged from the body. This means that by the time a woman is thirty years, she must have released about 216 eggs, which equates to the number of pregnancy possibilities. A woman's egg store deplete with increasing age as there is no replacement for the released ones. The quality of the egg also depreciate with increasing age leading to reduced chances of pregnancy. It is believed that a woman is more likely to get pregnant before the age of thirty after which it becomes increasingly difficult.
I have observed from my research that age is a critical factor in conceiving. I believe that my friend would not be in the present condition if she had realized that her age was counting against her. Had she realized the numerous opportunities that came her way, her children would have all been born by now. Today, at almost forty years, she is still trying to have her babies.
It is advisable that women who hope to have children do so before they are thirty years old. In my search for answers, I noticed that some women do not give the age factor any consideration whatsoever. Over the years, I have had discussions with some girls, between 18 and 26 years, on matters relating to marriage and having children. I still feel amazed at the thinking of some of these girls. A girl told me that she was not ready considering marriage until she is about forty years old. At that age, she said she would have had enough fun and ready to consider a man for keeps. All of the girls I discussed with agreed that they have had many suitors coming for them but they were not ready for commitment. Some of the girls said they would like to have their kids before they turn 25 years. A few of the girls were confused on making the right choice of a man.
I discovered that most girls, before the age of 25 years, have had many men seriously seeking for their hands in marriage. At this stage in a girl's life, they are scared to date anyone who is seriously talking to them about marriage. The girls prefer a relationship that had 'no strings attached'. All that matters to them at this stage is having fun. With so much fun ahead of them, the girls want to experiment and exploit life. Emotions are released into relationships that eventually end with some form of heart-break. This process in a girl's life occurs at the prime of her womanhood and takes a couple of years out of the girl's life. The number of years varies from person to person.
Finally, a girl decides to settle down with a man with the hope of spending the rest of her life with him. If a girl continues with a man with whom she has spent the prime of her life; this is very good and commendable. However, this is not normally the case. It so happens that a girl would 'settle-down' with a different man. In this case, the girl has given her prime womanhood to another man just like another girl has given hers to the man she wants to marry. Well, it's time to settle down for both the man and the girl and raise a family. For those who do this a bit later than necessary, the reality sets it. The child won't come.
It is my suggestion that any girl who may wish to have a family, to harness the opportunities that come in her prime womanhood by choosing from the array of men desiring to marry her, the one that best suits her desires. This very important choice comes one step too late for a good number of girls. They delay to embrace this opportunity believing that it will always be there waiting on them: but they are wrong. There is a time in a girl's life when the number of men desiring her reaches a climax and begins a downward descent after that point. Many of the girls I have discussed with are engrossed with doing 'their own things' that they fell to give attention to the men seeking after their commitment during this crucial period. I believe that for some of the girls, they let their man slip out of their hand due to negligence.
It so happens that when a girl thinks she is 'ready to settle-down,' after getting bored or tired of 'doing her own thing', that the men who were previously desiring her, were all gone and no longer there. Desperation to settle-down with a man gradually sets in and the girl is most likely to make a wrong choice. At this stage in a woman's life, it becomes even more difficult to have a baby because of her age.
Every woman must understand that age is critical in a her life with regards to conceiving and having her own baby. She must learn and understand the rule of nature and play by the rules. For those who are keen to have children, they must set a target age at which to have all their children; but remember to set this age according to the rule of nature.
John Iroh is a free thinker. He takes notice of the differences or similarities as a result of geological, cultural and religious backgrounds; and how these differences or similarities are integrated within the society. These features are presented in John's articles.
John writes during part of his leisure. Within each article is the presentation of the world as seen by John.
Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/John_Iroh/778737
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