There is something magical that happens to the human spirit, a sense of
calm that comes over you, when you cease needing all the attention
directed toward yourself and instead allow others to have the glory.
Our need for excessive attention is that ego-centered part of us that
says, "Look at me. I'm special. My story is more interesting than
yours." It's that voice inside of us that may not come right out and say
it, but that wants to believe that "my accomplishments are slightly more
important than yours." The ego is that part of us that wants to be seen,
heard, respected, considered special, often at the expense of someone
else. It's the part of us that interrupts someone else's story, or
impatiently waits his turn to speak so that he can bring the
conversation and attention back to himself.
To varying degrees, most of
us engage in this habit, much to our own detriment. When you
immediately dive in and bring the conversation back toward you, you can
subtly minimize the joy that person has in sharing, and in doing so,
create distance between yourself and others. Everyone loses.
The next time someone tells you a story or shares an accomplishment with
you, notice your tendency to say something about yourself in response.
Although it's a difficult habit to break, it's not only enjoyable but
actually peaceful to have the quiet confidence to be able to surrender
your need for attention and instead share in the joy of someone else's
glory. Rather than jumping right in and saying, "Once I did the same
thing" or "Guess what I did today," bite your tongue and notice what
happens. Just say, "That's wonderful," or "Please tell me more," and
leave it at that. The person you are speaking to will have so much more
fun and, because you are so much more "present," because you are
listening so carefully, he or she won't feel in competition with you.
The result will be that the person will feel more relaxed around you,
making him or her more confident as well as more interesting. You too
will feel more relaxed because you won't be on the edge of your seat,
waiting your turn.
Obviously, there are many times when it's absolutely appropriate to
exchange experience back and forth, and to share in the glory and
attention rather than giving it all away. I'm referring here to the
compulsive need to grab it from others. Ironically, when you surrender
your need to hog the glory, the attention you used to need from other
people is replaced by a quiet inner confidence that is derived from letting others have it.
Related Posts :
May 11, 2022
Tags :
LIFESTYLE
,
RICHARD CARLSON
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